Well, well. Writing every day isn't so easy.

I started this with the intent of writing every day. And I have been writing every day - just not here.
I've always wanted to write. Novels. Children's books. Cookbooks. Blogs. Reviews. I love writing, but I stopped somewhere along the way. I started critiquing myself too much, and in turn started to hate it. My one regret is every idea I've had in the past few years that have been tossed aside, are now long gone. I didn't make notes of them to save for a rainy day. I just simply dismissed these ideas, and went about my day.

I finally dusted off the old "Writers Block" book I picked up while working at Borders. I've been just working through a few of the exercises each day, just trying to get myself back into the habit of writing. The truth is, I've always had a bit of a fear of writing. In high school, I was afraid to turn in assignments in Creative Writing. We would take turns reading each others work, and I never wanted anyone to see mine. I was always too afraid that my writing was too dark for a sixteen year old girl. My teachers would always compliment the way I structured my writing. My attention to detail. The way I could latch onto something, and drag the reader into my words - but I was terrified of it.

I seem to be afraid of anything I'm good at. I run from it. I hide. If I don't do it, I can't be disappointed. I can't have my heart broken. But that stops now. I've always been naturally good at damn near anything I attempt. Except math.... I can't math. So why not start writing again? Why not do something I love? Isn't that the point of loving something? To love it so much, that it rips you open until all of your words just spill out?


Today, my gratitude goes to friends. New and old. Close, and far away. Friends who are still here after months of me pushing them away. Friends who still care after years of not speaking, who can pick back up like we spoke yesterday. Friends I've made in just the past few months. And friends who have reminded me that I am a strong, intelligent, kind, funny, caring woman. Something I seemed to have lost somewhere while trying to fit in. What's that saying? Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out? I think I finally get it.